Sunday, October 3, 2010

Vettori retires from family to spend more time with Cricket team

Another cricinfo piece.

While you're here, you should check out the facebook page for The Pigeon, which is a news parody site a few other writers and I are launching very soon. Seriously, it's going to be hilarious. You should really join the facebook page.

Saturday, October 2, 2010

Pakistani Cricket Tours Ltd: An infomercial

Sick to death of boring old cricket tours where a team just visits a foreign nation, plays a few games and promptly leaves? Tired of watching two evenly matched outfits compete tooth and nail in a series that could go either way? Do you find it dull when late night phone calls are just players saying hello to their families or when no balls are just silly old no balls?

Then boy do Pakistani Cricket Tours have a deal for you!

With our patented Pakistani Cricket Tours, uninteresting sporting endeavours in which the police are not involved are a thing of the past, and shock and controversy are always just around the corner!

No longer will you complain about the lack of global interest in a series, because our tours are positively brimming with media mudslinging and worldwide public outrage.

With Pakistani Cricket Tours you will get to see the name of our brand new Test Captain being dragged throught the mud after he is alleged of a terrible misdemeanor, the likes of which tear at the seams of the very sport he plays.

You will also be treated to a special display of alleged made-to-order no balls from a frontline seamer who has just returned from a two year ban due to joining an unsanctioned rebel league.He even has a history of illegal drug use!

Sound too good to be true? WAIT TILL YOU HEAR THIS!

If you order now, we will also throw in a ridiculously talented youngster bowling massive no balls, absolutely free of charge.

That’s a test captain, an experienced seamer and an eighteen year old prodigy said to be valued at 150,000 pounds. This offer is simply too good to pass up!

Here is what a couple of our satisfied customers have had to say about Pakistani Cricket Tours Ltd.

Mr. Ijaz Butt:
“I really had an amazing time with Pakistani Cricket Tours. This tour was undoubtedly the most controversial cricket series I have ever been part of and for me, that’s saying quite a lot! I was given the opportunity to make things worse by refusing to suspend the suspected players for the rest of the tour- which I did, until the head of the ICC convinced me otherwise. Furthermore, I got to make completely baseless accusations against our opposition and to top it all off, there was even the very real threat of me being sued for defamation!

I will definitely be traveling with Pakistani Cricket tours again, even though there is probably a strong case that I shouldn’t be.”



Mr. Shahid Afridi:
“Before this stint with Pakistani Cricket Tours, my credibility as a cricketer was on the wane. A disastrous incident with a cricket ball and my teeth meant that people were unwilling to take me seriously.

This tour really helped to turn things around for me. Now everyone sees me as some sort of defiant paragon and I even managed to win a couple of games as captain. Thanks to Pakistani Cricket Tours Ltd., I’ve gone from comic relief to being the righteous hero of the Pakistan team.”


To order your booking with Pakistani Cricket Tours, call us immediately or visit a shady bookmaker near you.

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Murali from Sri Lanka



There are cricket retirements and there are cricket retirements. There are players who represented their countries admirably, fought hard, improved over time, won their fair share of games and then decided to call it quits. Iain O’ Brien, Brett Lee, Russell Arnold, Javagal Srinath.

This is not one of those retirements.

This is the kind where players perform the guard of honour, where cricket boards lay out some lavish celebration that somehow seems inadequate, and where the loss of a single player makes a side look like a shell of what it once was. Australia are still looking for their next Shane Warne. I suggest that Sri Lanka rid themselves of any notion of doing the same for their great spinner. Lightning doesn’t strike twice.

I am by no means suggesting of course that no better spin bowler will ever emerge from Sri Lanka (or elsewhere for that matter). Simply that there has never been, nor will ever be another Murali. Noone whose career will scale the same coveted peaks while at once plumbing those dark, unenviable trenches. Noone who is held by many as the greatest bowler to have ever played the game and simultaneously maligned by others as a miserable cheat who disgraces the sport each time he takes the field.

But this is the thing about Murali. He’s a paradox in every way imaginable. While being held as an unethical crook by many in the cricket universe, his humanitarian contributions in his country will go down as anything but ‘unethical.’ For those disinclined to like him, Murali epitomised the subcontinent’s regrettable political clout in the game. For others his career simply showcased the extent of Australian cricket bullying. The no-ball calls, the incessant chants at Australian cricket grounds and the mud slinging in the press.

He held his head high through all of that.

I won’t spew yet another apologetic defense of the man’s bowling action here, simply because if you still doubt its legality, there is little anyone can do to convince you otherwise. Suffice it to say that far from growing bitter at the flak he has recieved over this issue, Murali did almost everything possible to prove his critics wrong. Some were won over, others - not so much.

Over the years, Murali’s on-field exploits have been thorough to the point of being exhaustive. Both the Test and One Day records for starters. A better average and strike rate than his rival for the spin bowling throne – even if you remove Bangladesh and Zimbabwe from the equation. Way more five and ten wicket hauls than anyone, including a run of four consecutive games of ten-in-a-match, twice. Add to this the fact that the most common dismissal in all of test cricket is b Muralitharan while the most common fielder-bowler collaboration is c Jayawardene b Muralitharan and that at some point in his career, Murali has reduced every single batting line-up to rubble, it is actually impossible to even doubt his greatness as a cricketer.

He was influential in Sri Lanka’s proudest achievements as a cricketing nation. The first Test series win overseas, the ’96 World Cup, series wins over England and India, and the two recent World Cup finals appearances. Along with Aravinda, Arjuna, Vaas and Jayasuriya, Murali oversaw Sri Lanka’s transformation from minnows into world beaters, and he was clearly the best of the lot. It’s difficult to see how Sri Lanka will manage without him.

But despite all this, perhaps the best compliment I can pay Murali, is that for all his cricketing records and accolades, his greatest triumphs were off the field. Smiling, approachable and childlike in his enthusiasm, Murali left his swagger on the pitch. Ego was never something you associated with him. Last year at the Champion’s Trophy, an out of form Murali voluntarily left himself out of the starting XI as there was room for only one spinner. Difficult to imagine, seeing as even then, he was the most successful ODI bowler of all time. Gracious, respectful and joyful in everything he did, Murali was a welcome reminder that contrary to the accepted wisdom, nice guys can in fact, finish first.

Then there is the question of his ethnicity. In a country that was torn apart by ethnic conflict for most of his career, Murali came to symbolise what we all hoped Sri Lanka would one day become. The only Tamil in a team full of Sinhalese, he was never regarded as a mascot for the Tamil cause, nor was he a token defence for Sinhalese oppression. When it came to Murali, it seemed that all Sri Lankans were racially blind. The fact that not even the most bigoted members of Sri Lankan society uttered a single bad word about the man is not only testament to the manner in which he went about his art, but also to his ability to symbolise unity in its purest form.

For most cricket fans, Murali is simply a great bowler. For Sri Lankans, he was so much more. He will be remembered in the record books as a legend of spin, but for a war torn Island nation, he was a hero of a far truer sense. A relentless champion in every way imaginable.

Murali Retires

I'm too depressed right now to write a tribute post. Be assured however, one is in the works. In the meantime, let's just reminisce together, first with one of his finest spells.



And then of course, a highlights package of some of his exploits set to token uplifting music.

Saturday, June 26, 2010

Move over Dilscoop, the reverse reverse sweep is here

I'm not really sure if there is any advantage to playing this shot over say, a regular paddle sweep. But damn if I am not impressed.


Friday, June 25, 2010

Morgan is so un-KP,

England aren't always known to have produced the most attractive cricketers. English cricket in the nineties was characterised by the fighters. Atherton, Gough, Giles. Men of limited talent who fought tooth and nail but weren't exactly enthralling. Then came the Vaughans and the Trescothicks, perhaps a little easier on the eye, but still falling short of capturing the fans' imagination. I guess Freddy filled the role of cricketing hero well, but it wasn't until England unearthed talents like Kevin Pietersen and Eoin Morgan that they could properly lay claim to having 'produced' players of true superstar potential.

Morgan and Pietersen have a lot in common. The obvious non-Englishness aside, both men are hugely talented middle order batsmen, can accelerate the scoring rate with the best of them, and created massive hype upon arrival on the international scene. In these two, the English team finally have players with the kind of batting prowess that gives bowlers self esteem issues and sends captains weeping home to their wives.

But they are also very different. Where Pietersen is arrogant, impetuous and cocksure, Morgan is quiet, clever and calculating. Where KP's innings are loud and majestic, Morgan's are artfully crafted. The reverse paddle to third man is followed by the inside out hit over cover. A spate of quick singles, effortlessly punctuated by audacious aerial scoops over fine leg. Here is a batsman for whom innovation and chutzpah are simply an integral part of his natural game. It's almost fitting that Morgan can't claim to be an Englishman, because the way he approaches his work is so darned un-English.

On top of all this, Morgan seems to possess that increasingly rare virtue of modesty that has deserted many modern cricketers and an ego that doesn't have to be carried around in a separate team bus. Unlike the self-infatuated primadonnas that seem to be the status quo nowadays, here is a young cricketer that fans can actually get behind.

The guy seems so approachable that he even kinda looks like an elf. He certeinly has the first name and ruddy complexion to match. If he was in the Lord of the Rings, he probably wouldn't have had any lines, but would be running around pulling off insane stunts and kicking ass nevertheless. So all hail Eoin of the Woodland Realm. May your career be long, your footwork, swift and may you never stray far in your quest for cricketing greatness.

Thursday, June 24, 2010

Why the subcontinent needs its own Ashes

Another day dawns and India and Sri Lanka take the field once more to contest yet another One Day final. I want to be excited about this. It’s a fairly prestigious tournament, played by four test playing nations but more importantly all the pre-tournament hype had me thinking that this was an essential a proving ground for players on the fringes of each team to show their stuff. And it kind of is. But when the two teams that have wound up finalists have played each other non stop since mid 2008, it makes the encounter a little bit meaningless.

Sri Lanka and India have become the two quarreling relatives in every extended family. No matter how hard the naive younger cousin, Bangladesh, or the weird caravan-dwelling uncle, Pakistan, try to keep them apart, these two are always at it, bashing around each other’s mediocre pace attacks and failing to play the short ball well in some unnecessary encounter somewhere.

But this kind of battle-weary boredom seems not to be affecting the England-Australia series. Two teams that played five Tests, two t20s and seven One Day Internationals in the middle of last year really have no business playing five more ODIs just six months before they repeat the course in Australia. But apparently, rather than robbing this series of importance, the magic of the Ashes gives it context. And it doesn’t just give context to the England-Australia fixtures. Any matches that either team plays in an Ashes year is almost seen as practice for the real test.

To prove this, my friends and I devised a drinking game during the recent Bangladesh tests, where you drank one shot, each time any of the Sky commentary team mentioned the Ashes. Two of us died from alcohol poisoning.

So what Sri Lanka and India really need to do, is not stop playing so much cricket against each other, but recreate an Ashes of their own. Maybe India can send some convicts Sri Lanka way, and devise some ethically dubious strategies against exceptional Sri Lankan cricketers (a la Bodyline ’32). Sri Lanka can respond by adopting the convict mentality into their sporting ethos and reply with some ethically dubious tactics of their own. Ruthless sledging, spectator abuse... that kinda thing. As soon as they get the subcontinent version of the Ashes up and running, these two teams can play each other as much as they like and everyone will be super excited about it.